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  • Home
  • Services
    • VBAC Birth
    • Transformation Through Birth: A Childbirth Prep Class
  • About
    • FAQ
  • For Partners
  • Gallery
    • Testimonials
    • Birth Stories
  • Storefront
  • Contact
  • Blog
  • Clients Only
    • Resources
  • ENERGETICS OF RELATIONSHIPS: WHY WE ARE WHO WE ARE. UNDERSTANDING AND ACCEPTING SELF AND OTHERS; THE KEY TO PEACE AND TRANSFORMATION

Musings on Faith, Trust and Love: A Recipe for Humanity

4/12/2019

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Why else are we here but to Love and to Serve?

There is a silver-white cord of connection between people, regardless of...or maybe because of our differences.  Differences in culture, religion, belief.

These differences present us with the opportunity for faith, then trust between people.

Faith first...because it is an act  of choosing. Choosing to see deeper, listen quieter. Then to feel the exquisiteness of connection. Often accepting a level of confusion and perhaps discomfort.

As this is all establishing itself, trust finds itself quietly being born and growing between us.

Trust then, may be the paving-stones on the path to love.

This can lead to nothing less than our choosing to act in accordance with love.

There are times when we are called to the cliff-edge. The edge that is named for us but where we have never traveled before. Very often this is in service to others.

At those times we know that to not-go is to contribute to the all-too-present condition of confusion and despair that our sisters and brothers suffer from. To not-go is to ignore our own strength and divinity and to put our chance for miracle-working in the name of humanity on hold.

It's ok! Go, or dont-go...you will be asked again!
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Map of Birth Center in Relation to Other Facilities

12/31/2018

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PRACTICE NAME        LOCATION                              DESCRIPTION
Gifford Medical Center        Randolph, V                                           Midwifery, OBGYN, In-Hospital Birth Center
DHMC                                        Lebanon, NH                                          OBGYN, Mw Service, Tertiary Care, Hospital Birth Ctr
Little Rivers Health Care    Wells River, NH                                   NVRH Hospital   St. Johnsbury, VT
Women's Health Services     Springfield, VT                                    Springfield Hospital. OBGYN. No MW care offered
Gentle Landing Midwifery    Lebanon, NH and Barre, VT           Homebirth midwifery services
Born Homebirth                     Montpelier, VT                                     Homebirth midwife
8 Generations                          Montpelier, VT                                    Homebirth Midwife 
Concord Birth Center         Concord, NH                                        MW-led free-standing birth center
Green Lily Midwifery            Brookfield, VT                                   Homebirth midwifery
Donna Derenthal                 Swanton , VT                                       homebirth midwife    
Sybille Anderson,                 Newport, VGT                                      homebirth midwife    
Monadnock Birth Center    Swanzey, NH                                      MW-led free-standing birth center
Littleton Community Hospital    Littleton, VT                            

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jesus and the market

2/18/2018

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It's Sunday. If Jesus could wreck a market to make his point of love and peace so can I raise my VOICE OF PEACE in a ROAR:

I am replying to a posting left on my timeline that I deleted earlier. This is definitely NOT the week to challenge me on the 'Right to keep and bear arms,' the declaration of independence and the question, "These children were left unprotected by a misguided social desire to keep guns away from schools by legislation. Did the latter attempt work?"

This is NOT the week to challenge me on gun violence and the continued murdering of our sweet children after attending 3 heroic moms birthing their babies under 3 distinctively challenging situations and coming out of their birth journey with newborn babies born of love that they have a lifetime of HOPE and vulnerability for.

This is NOT the week to expect I will respond with brevity and neutrality. NOT after 15 children and 2 teachers were murdered in a school at the same time a 31 week baby is fighting for his life with 2 young parents praying for his safety.

NOT after spending a total of 70+ hours BELIEVING and LOVING 2 first-time parent-couples through almost perfect doubt and fear and convincing them that that LOVE overcomes hoped-for process in birth, that homebirth is not what love and parenthood is born from and it's ok to use a hospital for help.

NOT after watching these 3 couples transition into powerful, ferocious, vulnerable parents of their babies.

NOT after receiving a beautiful little girl into my hands and handing her to her mother who...5 minutes prior, looked into my eyes after 30 hours of a HARD labor, just at the precipice of motherhood and asked, "but Katherine, will I be able to do it?" and my answer being to hand her her beautiful daughter with tears in both of our eyes. THIS IS NOT THE WEEK TO CHALLENGE A FEROCIOUS AND EXHAUSTED MIDWIFE!

I will ROAR in defense of these...MY BABIES and their parents and the future of these families and ALL families. ALL of them. So if you have fantasies of leaving snarky comments on my TIMELINE OF PEACE, know you will LOSE YOUR VOICE.!

I speak for those too small to defend themselves. I speak in defense of PEACE. OM SHANTI.
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adjustment to motherhood

11/10/2017

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The birth of your baby is the end of one journey and the beginning of the next one.  The end of pregnancy for women is symbolized both physically and emotionally by the involution processes in the post-pregnant woman.  What comes after birth is an exquisite array of changes that present themselves to the new mother to pick and choose paths through.
“Do your best.  Angels can do no better”

The transformation from your 'previous' life to the life of a mother requires both time and profound compassion for yourself…be generous and abundant with them, if you can.  If compassion, generosity and time are not plentiful, do your best to forgive yourself for that.  Truth be told, there are few times in your life when you will be asked and required to transform yourself so thoroughly.  There will be places in you where this transformation will come with grace and willingness.  Other changes and adjustments may be more challenging, confusing and uncomfortable.  Finally, there will be changes in your adjustment into motherhood that will just be a mystery that you will be challenged to solve from a place inside you that will need constant awareness and development. 

Embrace the transformations into motherhood that your new little teacher/baby is offering you the opportunity to make and do the best you can with each opportunity.  Most important, be patient with yourself and forgive yourself each time you fall short of your own expectations.  This is a new journey.  Your map into motherhood is new with each new baby.
The Ticopia of the Solomon Islands announce the birth of a child by saying,
 “A mother has given birth!” rather than, “A child is born!”[

You need to be nurtured and cared for postpartum in the same way and in the same measure as you will be expected to nurture and care for your new baby.  It is this nurturing of you in the postpartum that you experience the loving, caring, holding and responsiveness that you will need to find inside yourself to give to your baby.  Your experience of being tenderly cared for in the time after birth will help remind you of and then say your 'last goodbyes' to the time in your life when you were in the role of the 'child' and welcome in your new, ever-evolving role as mother.

Look for this care for yourself in the faces of dear, trusted friends, dear, trusted neighbors, dear, trusted family and/or dear trusted community services.  Emphasis is on dear, trusted, as this is a time when you and your baby are very impressionable and your time together should be held gently by all around you in every capacity.
"Friends are God's way of taking care of us."  -unknown

Remember, this is a gradual, gentle transformation that sometimes takes more time than you might have expected and you deserve limitless support tailored to your unique situation.
Let your heart guide you.  It whispers, so listen closely. -unknown
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For a time after your baby is born, your body goes through a myriad of very normal changes on its way to your new 'mother-body' and it may take time for you to understand and welcome this.  One obvious example is your belly is now empty of the being that you carried inside you and the transition from mothering from the outside-in, to inside-out might feel a little disorienting. 
 
While baby was tucked neatly inside of you, you learned how to carry her and touch her and rub her, finding a natural 'holding' of her.  After birth, your arms and outer torso have to learn their own lessons in holding, adjusting to your baby’s unique size, shape and movement patterns.  This may be awkward at times, but within a very short time you will find that your teacher/baby has made her preferences quite clear.
 
This example of physical mothering adjustment will take place in all areas of yourself as you re-learn to sleep, eat, feed and bathe yourself on a schedule that will be set for you by your baby.  Not all women have the natural capacity to flow with the outward demands that are imposed by baby.  That may lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-disappointment to varying degrees.  At those times the aid of a postpartum doula can be invaluable.  Someone who is there to remind you that of course you don’t know…that you have never had to do this before.
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“We all have expectations that we will be these loving, in love, devoted mothers and then you have this baby screaming at you, and then there’s all this confusion.”   -E. Slayton
After your baby’s birth, if there are times when it feels as if chaos reigns, that there isn’t ‘enough’ support, resources, love, nurturing…that you just can’t ‘do’ it, try to remember those times in labor when you knew in your heart of hearts, in every cell of your body that you couldn’t ‘do’ it.  Try to remember that something inside you guided you through that time, gave you strength…in the most rudimentary way maybe, but got you through nonetheless. 
 
Even if you can’t find that place in moments of chaos, rest assured you’ve been there before and there is at least a thin line drawn on your map of motherhood to guide you back there again.  It may take practice, as all things do, but you’ve drawn that place on the map already.  The signs will show themselves to you.  Remember that your emotional state as you move into motherhood is delicate and emotional and strong.
With each breath in, take in the faith of those who have believed when belief seemed foolish.   -unknown
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What Would I Say To You...The One Who Dreams of Becoming A Doula...

6/22/2016

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Beloved Sisters...

I have a Dream that is held inside my heart every day for the future of peace on our planet.

I dream that every woman whose dream to attend women in birth will follow THAT dream...THEIR dream.  I dream that you will NEVER STOP UNTIL YOU ARE LIVING THAT DREAM.

YOUR DREAM OF SERVING WOMEN IN BIRTH IS THE HOPE FOR HUMANITY.

I dream that you will choose to serve your sisters and empower them during their birthing time and into motherhood so our next generation of souls will be born in PEACE and LOVE and HOPE.

If you dream of becoming a BirthWorker, please, please keep YOUR dream alive. You will be the example to other Women who will become your Sisters. Your Sisters will inspire others and ultimately we CAN realize PEACE.

DREAM ON.
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When Will My Baby Come

6/22/2016

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The timing of the emergence of our children into the world is a mystery even the most educated and the most wise are not privy to. This knowing is tucked into the destiny-map of our children, some who teach us the limits of our patience before they are even born.

Trusting this is the beginning of our opportunity to learn trust for our children all through their life. It's an opportunity to learn who they are before we ever even gaze into their eyes. To appreciate the inner knowing of their souls.

It teaches us to sit back and observe THEIR rhythms and ways.

Living in the not-knowing of the end of pregnancy is a blessing that must not be overlooked, as unnecessary interference in this time can disrupt the choreography of a family's life going forward.



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Sitting

11/16/2015

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I sat in my villa today on a beautiful Bali Saturday with the sun luring me to the many beauties outside…the pool outside my door, a great iced coffee at Three Monkeys, an invitation to the beach…

All day I resisted the seduction of Busy. Instead I drank instant coffee and sat quietly working all day, compelled to harvest all that just unfolded in the last week with 14 incredible birth workers from all walks of life and all stages of life. I didn’t want to miss the harvest.

As I sat, women came to my door to say goodbye to me with their eyes and hearts soft and wide and hearts generous, open and overflowing with awe and gratitude for the experiences they had just shared together and privately during their time at Eat Pray Doula.

Words like ‘transforming’ and ‘I could never have imagined’ and ‘like no other workshop I have EVER attended’ along with ‘sisterhood’ and ‘tribe’ were quietly offered. These feelings affirming that the effort and investment to come to Bali to study was more than worth the investment in Themselves and could never be quantified by words alone.

I understood. The Group was one more of the Gathering of Women that comes together to create something bigger and stronger for the future of Women in Birth at Eat Pray Doula. As one of their teachers, I am humbled.

But with all their dreams of becoming and developing as the keepers of Birth, what I saw MOST in them over the week was this:

Compassion is necessary to work with families in birth.
But it isn’t enough.
Kindness is also necessary.
But even that isn’t enough.
Intelligence and a hunger for knowledge and Knowing is essential in order to teach and empower  families.
But it isn’t enough.
Wit and humor for both our families and ourselves is so important.

Certainly these things are all common denominators in women who work with families in birth.

But what I am basking in tonight as I look back at the close of yet another Eat Pray Doula workshop here in Bali is that the piece that feeds ALL of those things…the Essence that makes it all WORK is COMMUNITY.

Community with our Sisters ties all the other components together…holds us together so we can continue to evolve this Birth Movement backwards. Back to the Time when giving birth was seen, experienced and honored as natural and a normal and part of life.


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Homeschooling My Daughters-1991 when my name was Nicki

4/26/2015

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A VERY PRIVATE SCHOOL For a Dover family, the best learning environment is the home

The Boston Globe (Boston, MA)

December 12, 1991 | Peter Anderson, Globe Staff  

DOVER -- The two Bramhall girls are "doing school" in their stocking feet while seated at a place of study for a more Lincolnesque time, the kitchen table. Devin is working on multiplication, Allison is doing a typing drill. Nicki Bramhall, their mother, is washing dishes in the sink of their little house, a gardener's cottage on an estate where she works in return for reduced rent. Every so often, mother and daughters are caught up in high-pitched laughter over little jokes understood only by the three of them. It is difficult to measure the amount of formal learning taking place, but the classroom atmosphere is wholesome.

Nicki Bramhall, 31, a high school graduate, says, "I am totally unqualified except I care for my children as capable human beings." She says the Dover school system is first-rate and she has no quarrel with the teachers or what they teach. But her children are too young to be "ripped away from their mother," something she realized when Allison, now 9, came home from first grade and collapsed in a heap. When she was in kindergarten, Devin, now 8, was in the nurses' office two or three days a week complaining of stomachaches, more likely an ache to be with her mother. Those were big issues, but Bramhall made her decision on the day of a small issue.

Devin came home from school and told her mother, "Did you know George Washington never told a lie?" Bramhall recalls saying: "Devin, that's not true. Everybody lies and everyone feels badly after telling a lie." When her husband came home that night, she said she was pulling the kids out of school.

Devin and Allison are among an estimated 350,000 to 500,000 children in the United States and 1,500 to 2,000 in Massachusetts attending school at home. Although a large proportion of home-taught children are from Christian fundamentalist families, religion is not a factor in the Bramhall home schooling, where there are no little desks, no blackboard and little or no regimentation.

Some parents keep children home because of dissatisfaction with a local school, local manners or morals, but that is not the case with the Bramhalls. Nicki Bramhall keeps her girls home because she feels she can nourish them intellectually better at home. And if she wants to take them on a trip to visit their grandfather, she does. And if the girls spend four hours on a Sunday afternoon designing the inside of their dollhouse, she considers that education, even if a school committee would not.

Bramhall does not consider herself a model for other mothers. "Almost no one else does it the way we do it." But she does like talking about how she and her girls "do school." She let Allison finish first grade and Devin finish kindergarten but began studying the state law regarding home schooling while they were in those grades. She told the school principal of her plans, and the principal told the superintendent, Robert E. Couture.

Under state law Couture is responsible for the education of children in his district. He was supportive, put up no impediment, but required her to prepare a written study proposal the first year. In each of the past three years they have had a more informal arrangement, conferring on the phone over what she will teach the girls. He offers help; she takes his math books but no other texts.

Renee Rubin, principal of the elementary school, says: "I know them {the Bramhall parents} and in their case I think it will work very well. We would love to have the children in school, but . . . I feel one has to respect another's philosophy. I don't think I should judge someone."

Nicki Bramhall does not test her children and has no plans to, "not ever," but keeps track of their progress by checking with mothers whose children are in the same grades. And she takes no test herself. If someone suggests she is not a qualified teacher, she answers this way: "I agree. Following the standards of institutional education, I totally agree. However, that is not what I am trying to accomplish. My goal is to concentrate on a whole-life education, a process that honors their feelings, their interests, not mine, as well as honoring their body {meaning that sometimes young girls need sleep more than to get up in time to make the school bus}." Home schooling has several drawbacks, some of them not obvious. "I lost a very dear friend when I decided to do this. In her eyes I'm ruining the children. There was an irreparable rift. It was very sad. My dearest friend doesn't agree either. We don't talk about it much. But losing that {other} friend over home schooling was drastic."

It wouldn't work for every family, she says, but then "public school doesn't work for us." She does not think it possible for a public school teacher, as good as those in Dover are, to give her girls the attention she does. "The unwritten rule when you bring children into life is that you make them thinking persons. . . . Our philosophy is they are people but littler." However, she acknowledges her girls probably miss things such as school playground.

Devin says she misses nothing at school "beside my teacher. She was really nice."

Allison, asked if home school is much different or much better than public school, answers: "Sort of both." Does she read better or worse than her friends in school? "I sort of think I read better, not to brag." Allison is curious about what is going on in regular school, and her friends are also curious. "They ask how much schoolwork we do each day. And do you think about going back next year?"

Their mother, turning from dishes in the sink, says: "They know that every year it is their call {whether or not to return to public school}." In the meantime, the children's friends visit regularly, something not always easy to do in Dover, a nearly rural town where houses are far apart and there are no platoons of little kids on every street. It takes planning -- and driving -- to get playmates together. And because so many children in Dover are involved in tennis or gymnastic lessons, arrangements "become harder and harder and take more creativity."

Bramhall and her two girls "do school" in the morning, after housework and, often, after Bramhall administers to one of eight clients she tends as a massage therapist. The Bramhall school day is not rigidly defined, but there are limits. If the girls say a lesson is too frustrating, Bramhall tells them not everything in life can be fun.

Most of the time she does not have a formal lesson plan. The subjects depend on the day and, to a degree, on what the girls want to study, but they are exposed to math, cursive writing, reading, spelling, word derivation and an informal treatment of history that does not include memorizing dates. They discuss events on the noon news, for instance civil rights during the Clarence Thomas hearings. "We talked about that almost a week in the context of Thomas being black, and prejudice, and the 1960s civil rights movement and how Clarence Thomas got to where he is today and in a context with women's rights. . . . My kids are not getting clogged up with irrelevant facts."

After math or typing on a particular morning, the girls might practice piano on an electric keyboard (Tuesday they practice on a real piano at a friend's house). Thursday they have a one-hour formal piano lesson. Allison takes five hours of dance lessons in Norwood: ballet, jazz and tap. Devin takes two classes a week at The Pottery School in Needham. Allison has a Friday evening Spanish class. One day a week the girls go to the home of a woman in Dover who "makes hot chocolate and gives them cookies" and teaches them spelling and the derivation of words.

Some home schooling involves a group of students, especially among fundamentalist families. The Bramhall children have attended a science class organized by home-school parents. Last year they were part of a home-school gym class of about 30 kids. But they are not regularly part of any group; they have one principal teacher, their mother, and one principal school, their home.

There is "socialization," as Bramhall calls it, beyond the public school, citing for example that both girls last year were in "Alice in Wonderland," a musical put on by a community group in Natick. Bramhall agrees that public schools brings rich and poor, black and white together (but not so much in a wealthy town such as Dover). She does take her girls once a month to a homeless shelter in Cambridge, where they sort donated clothes and thus gain knowledge of how fortunate they are.

Allison learned to read without much effort. But, Bramhall says, "When Devin didn't learn to read, it was scary and a leap of faith to believe in the philosophy that a child would learn when they were ready." But partway through (home) second grade, Devin came downstairs to tell her mother she had just finished a book her aunt had given her. After that, Bramhall just let them be.

Fridays, Bramhall works on the estate, mowing lawns, raking leaves, splitting wood, weeding gardens, planting vegetables (but not flowers -- ("I'm a farmer, not a horticulturist") and mending stone walls. Her husband, Gregory, 34, is the systems manager for a computer software company, Symmetrix Inc., in Burlington. They met right out of high school while both were working for the Appalachian Mountain Club in New Hampshire. They were a New Age couple, married on an organic vegetable farm where they were apprentices. They think their children should be apprenticed to many worthwhile things besides an attachment to books.

The young couple adjusted their lives when children arrived. They worked as caretakers on an estate in Littleton until the owner died; they took the caretaking job in Dover five years ago. As all good parents make sacrifices for their children, Nicki Bramhall feels she has made a further sacrifice by keeping her children home from school.

"There was a really tempting office waiting for me in Needham in a chiropractor's office. Someday, God willing, I will have an office. We could think about buying a house if we were not doing this, but children have feelings, and a house is just a structure. Someday we can buy a house, but I can never be a mother again."

All of life is a balancing act, she says. Certainly she worries about the future. "We talk about options as a family a lot. At some point it gets confusing because I don't think long term for my own life. But when they are 13 and 14, we plan to spend at least a year traveling the country together. They can learn more traveling than through books."

Devin is keeping up with her peers in cursive writing; Allison is keeping pace with other kids in the math book. Sometimes they do little math, then Allison "blows through 40 or 45 pages in two weeks, no exaggeration." Bramhall keeps tabs on their reading, a certain amount of spelling and English. But no tests. "No, I won't do it." Devin seems to have it right when she says, "Mom, she's her own boss. She's her own teacher. "

Gregory Bramhall said he and his wife had talked of teaching children at home even before they were married and that "We're happy with it. We take it year to year. In spring we discuss what to do next year and talk to the kids to see how they feel. I don't think we are forcing them. We try to allow them to choose."

Among the things his children miss at school is involvement with cliques, which exist at an early age, especially among girls. Gregory Bramhall says, from what he hears, cliques can be brutal, and he compares early schooling to throwing babies into the deep end of a pool to teach them how to swim. Also, he knows cliques are a part of life and his two daughters will have to learn to deal with such unpleasant things. He figures by building their confidence now, they will be able to handle such problems when they are older.

The girls' grandmother had trouble with the idea of home schooling. For that reason, Nicki Bramhall would answer her questions but not discuss it in detail. Last spring -- her grandchildren taking dance, pottery, Spanish and piano lessons -- the grandmother said: "What you are doing is putting together your own private school," which, Nicki Bramhall says, "is exactly what we've done."

Peter Anderson, Globe Staff


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My Midwife Heart

11/21/2013

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The worthwhile problems are the ones you can really help solve...the ones you can really contribute something to. No problem is too small or too trivial if we can really do something about it.

                                    -Richard Feynman

It's 18 degrees in Vermont this morning and dark outside. Winter is just about here and my world is all tucked in. Gardens harvested and covered until spring. The wood stove has partnered with Tom and me to keep us cozy.  Our dinners are soups and squash and I'm gathering food from my farmer friends so my freezer can hopefully be the the only cold-source inside our home...cold so we can be warm with our cooked goose from Jeff, pork and chicken from Edge, eggs from our dear chickens.

Chelsea's baby is still tucked in her belly...happy to stay warm and wet inside her womb-nest for an extra almost-two-weeks...teaching us an amused patience.

The hot, sweaty births of the summer are a heart-memory that feeds my love of hope for the future. Those babies now smile at their surroundings and fill the world with newness.

I'm preparing for the cozy births of mid-winter...born in wood-stove-warmed rooms, secure and wrapped in sweet cotton blankets.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

Early mornings I get up quietly so I don't wake Tom.  Our home is small, encouraging the most silent of foot-patterings way before the dawn. 

Everything in this small house is an opportunity to be connected by sound and smell in our home. Thoughtfulness therefore is a chosen
Way, as is connection. 

I make my coffee and
while it drips I stoke the stove, feed the cat and tidy the rumpled pillows in the living room. By then my coffee cup warms my hands and I head to my office to check on the families across the world at Bumi Sehat.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________


In my office this morning I'm on my way to the Philippines with my team in Indonesia, working on logistics, funding and support.

It's not so quiet across the world this morning. Many mornings I wake up to emails about delicate births in our birth center, students excited about what they are learning about Gentle Birth. I wake up to emails from Eka or Ayu, passing me a love note via email.

This morning my emails talk of disaster preparedness and focused, vigilant, non-stop team work to keep the connections with our partnering NGO's. They talk of birth kits, essential medicines, access to light and electricity.

And the emails talk of money.  Always they talk of money, but this morning there is an urgency.

If you've ever been pregnant and had a baby, you know how much preparation it takes to change a life...Yours.

If you are one of the 1,400,000 pregnant women in the Philippines right now and are anywhere near the massive typhoon area, Today your 'preparation' for having your baby is hoping you can get some potable water to drink and something to eat. You are hoping that your baby stays in its protected home until you can find one. You are probably hungry and very afraid, as your midwife or hospital is no where to be found.  You don't know where or with whom you will birth your baby. Your other children are hungry, thirsty and dirty.

And you all want to go Home.
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The feeling of overwhelm I often feel can at times drags me down.  I can feel there is too much to do.

Then I remember that the goal is to focus my attention on The worthwhile problems...the ones I can really contribute something to.

Tomorrow Bumi Sehat lands on the ground to set up a midwife clinic in the Philippines at the request of the government. All of us at Bumi are a bit anxious, even though our hearts can't help guide us there. We know it will initially cost about $2000 a day to make this work.  And we are praying there is enough Memory that people will remember what we are about to undertake and support us and our work in the Philippines.

Bumi Sehat needs A Million Mothers to help thousands of women Prepare.

Our midwife hearts are hoping your Mother Heart will remember the Preparing and partner with us with your family, childbirth class, work...

Please join our Army of Love for the pregnant women and their young children in the Philippines.

www.AMillionMothers.org
A Million Mothers Facebook Page

Robin Lim Talks about Preparing for the Philippines

In deep, trusting love,
Katherine


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Silent Night

12/22/2012

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Silent night, holy night.

Sleep in heavenly peace

 
This solstice night is long.  And I thank whatever god is out there for that.  It was a brilliant plan in whatever creation event(s) that were thrown out here.

To have one very long night every year. 

A Blessed silence…longer than all year.  Just once a year. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As I write...one tear down my face.  Just one is needed tonight.

It illustrates to me, my open, open, partially broken, very full, beating heart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On this shortest day I was asked to be present to a poignant blend of excruciating pain, brilliant delight, quiet comfort and gentle, new beginnings…a full pallet of human condition.

One of the creators must have had the idea that in this small corner of the universe, my heart would have enough hope to hold a few folks who are in some primal pain.

The instruction was simply to offer love.

I can never say no to love.   

I thank the creators for the brilliance to at least give me a very long night in the wake of today.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I don’t believe in original sin.

As a little girl and into my 30’s I pondered that concept endlessly.  I asked religious people about it from all denominations for over two decades.  It was my burning question of life.  I thought about it all the time as I wandered in my earlier life and witnessed so many people in so much pain.

And I saw how that pain translated into actions of unkindness of many kinds.

But when I really looked into most people’s eyes…something I tried to do as often as I could,  I saw mostly confusion and pain.

Not sin…whatever that is.  If I couldn’t believe in sin and couldn’t understand it, and if pain and suffering were what I experienced and understood as the root-cause of unkindness, I came to the conclusion that sin doesn’t even exist.

Then I figured out that probably religions just made a Grand Mistake and really meant to write something different. 

I really do think that the concept of sin was nothing more than a tragic typographic error in translation…a mis-read spelling of Pain.

And that if we could press  ‘rewind’ of a couple of millennia of lifetimes, replace the concept of sin with human pain, humanity would turn out pretty differently. 

Because what I have seen over and over is that people let Sin represents blame, and pain is simply a divine and exquisite opportunity for love and compassion.

I think someone got the translation of pain wrong. 

I’m convinced.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am blessed to receive babies into the world and into the arms and hearts of their families. 

I see first expressions…first impressions...in the eyes of new babies. 

And I have never, ever seen sin in those faces.  Not even close. 

I have seen confusion, overwhelm, calm, curiosity, wonder, fear and even pain. 

Never sin. 

When a baby is born into my hands I pray a prayer of love. 

That there will not only be enough love in their life, but enough love in their family’s life and their friend’s life and the friends of their family’s life and their teacher’s life….and so on.

Because Love is what Pain is really seeking.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today, life took me back to the beginning of my ponderings of human suffering and pain and sin and love and humanity.

And in the exact middle of Life and my Pondering, as Karen and I were driving from one Human Condition to another in our work day, down a muddy Vermont back road, hearts broken from the impossibility of Primal Pain…

A rainbow. 

In winter.

It didn’t make it better.  Just gave us enough of a smile to finish the day.

Because who ever thinks of rainbows in winter?

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    Katherine works as a homebirth midwife and 
    has been a postpartum 
    mom since 1982. She practices the religion of kindness.

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Gentle Landing Midwifery
Katherine Bramhall, LMVT, NHCM 
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"I've never known someone so briefly and loved so deeply as you. Ever. Thank you for your lovely card for Grace's birthday. She holds the little heart in her still-chubby hands and just stares. I will always, in all ways, be thankful that your hands gave her to me." -L.

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